Did you, or do you, have the marriage planned before the man?
In 9th grade I was at a friends house and came across a torn page of a magazine photograph of some silverware. It was later explained to me that this was 'her flatware'. I asked, 'what do you need flatware for?'. I was then told, 'for my wedding'. Silly me. Uh-duh?!
FLATWARE? Flatware was not a part of my vocabulary. I had 'silverware' at home, my mother fed me, it was all good. But my friend had 'her flatware' chosen for her imaginary wedding. She was 15.
I never had a book. I never had wedding magazines. I didn't have a 'secret folder' where I stored images of a wedding that may or may not ever happen. I didn't dream about how it would be or where it would be, or how I would look. But I did dream about the man.
Now that I AM engaged, and planning a real bonifide wedding....I can't imagine that any of the decisions surrounding the details of 'our' big day, could have been made without the man. I realize that many men don't really care if the cake is lemon, or chocolate....or if the table linens are cream or white, but I do believe that Finance cares just as much about the ceremony and the general 'feeling' of the day, as much as I do. And that 'feeling', the one all those details will be a part of creating, reflect our style, our interests, and, most importantly, OUR love for oneanother.
If I had chosen at 15, my wedding without the man, I probably wouldn't be with Finance. We wouldn't be getting married in the mountains far far away from my home town, there would be no bluegrass music, and everyone would be nibbling on shrimp. Bor-ing.
I remember once that Finance had told me about how, while he enjoyed his previous relationship, and nothing particularly occured to make it dissolve, he always felt that 'he' could be anyone. 'She' had big plans for their future. She was ready for marriage and babies. I wonder if he didn't sense that their marriage, had they stayed together, would have felt contrived. As though, he were merely a stand-in.
That would suck.
Now, because I never planned for my July 15th, 2006 prior to meeting Finance, I can't imagine it any other way. Every decision has literally unfolded before us, and it all just makes sense. How could it have ever felt right any other way? So I guess I am just curious...I can understand if you had always dreamed of a certain dress, or there was some detail that was non-negotiable, but to orchestrate a celebration of two individuals and their love for oneanother - without the man....seems nuts to me.
But I suppose it's how you look at it. Is the wedding a womans ultimate multi-tasking challenge (think, TLC, While You Were Out), her entitlement, HER day..., or is the wedding (the 'party' and it's vibe) a reflection of two individuals and their relationship?
I guess to each his own. But I am fascinated by the frenzy that is a woman planning her wedding. I mean, I 'get it', but only to some degree.
Enlighten me readers.
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