There are lots of things in MY LIFE, in THIS life that make me anxious. The majority of them relate to 'bad' experiences I have had in my past. Personal experiences. Then there are the things that make me anxious that have little to do with any personal point of reference. They are global issues, politics, the things I hear on NPR or catch on the news. They are crime, natural disasters, ignorance, greed, religious zealots, bigotry, racism, ethnocentrism, EGOcentrism, excessive consumption, waste and lies. Now, I recognize that every generation and every 'era' has had their struggles, their own great debates, misfortune, and set backs. But I fear that the one we are in is taking us fast and furiously perhaps to a more 'productive and efficient' place, but not a better one.
I often ponder the great question...of meaning, of life. Destiny, and purpose. Purpose as individuals, as nations, as a globe in the universe. I tend to place more stock in theories supported by science than fiction, or gods. I believe that there was a man named Jesus, and he did good things. I believe that the bible contains many important messages but I question their authenticity. I believe that bad things happen to bad people and good people and I have no beliefs or reason to believe that there are special and not so special 'places' people go, when they die.
I believe that if you believe in a god or have faith in a religion that provides you with a sense of community and humanity, all the power to you. I do not however, believe that there is one explanation. I will not believe, until the scientific community shows me a slide of God's DNA that HE exists, existed...or guides my life. I do believe in faith. Faith is conviction...it is belief in something important. My Faith...My belief....is that there is REASON. That my life is significant in some way, has meaning, has purpose, and it is my job to discover what that is. I think that people turn to religion for insurance. To GIVE THEM something to believe, to feel strongly about. To help them feel better about death. Religion, to me, is an aide. Like cliff notes.
Back to my point. So here I am, and no any one religion is entirely compelling to me....science compels me. If I had to define my own religion...it would be The Religion of Intimacy. Intimacy with myself, with my neighbors, my friends and collegues, intimacy with the world. Everything I have ever read about the practice of buddhism, resonates so deeply in me. It conveys everything important about the mystery of LIVING, and is everything I struggle to practice in my daily life. It is my goal, my mission, to know and understand myself as innocently as the day I was born, and as intricately as the sum and impact of all the interactions and experiences that have led me through 27 years of life. THEN, maybe I can begin to understand my lover, my neighbor, my friend, my mother, my brother, my dead father, and the world around me.
So here is what I see that concerns me. That makes me anxious...about the world. About 'our' destiny. It's the human factor. It's dying. And its sad. While I appreciate and recognize all the benefits of advances in science and technology...it all seems to be stripping away more and more of what makes us human. what makes us ALIVE. It's the pulse, and the pace of our society...the sense of urgency towards bigger and better. Consumption, waste, and war. Money. It's all about money. But it's not about money the way it was in the early 1900's. For Example.
I believe there was a wonderfully innocent beautiful moment or two in time...and certainly probably still occuring in some remote necks of woods, and in countries that are actually SELF SUFFICIENT...around the world....where people sit down to hand write letters about how their families are doing. Where you know your doctor because he makes house calls and has shared Xmas dinners with your family. Where you KNOW your community because technology isn't available to make you lazy. Money made the world go around in a sense that it provided food on the table and allowed you to put clothing on your children. 'Things' had function, and the bells and whistles were the exception not the rule. Shoes kept blisters off your feet, and cars enabled someone to get somewhere quicker. Period.
It's glimpses of a life like that, that I long for and dream of - and visits to the mountains of Montana provide a delightful escape. I come back to Atlanta and sit in traffic yelling at people I don't know wishing them slow deaths, while racing to make it to my desk on time. We are so impatient...as a society. We want things to happen NOW and we want them to be perfect. The moment we notice flaws we are on to the next bright, pretty thing. Everything...everyone....so disposable. We are so concerned with getting ahead, having MORE, looking better...we miss so much in getting to know, respect and appreciate the goodness we all have to share. If we spent half the time and money we spend trying to FIGHT THE AGING PROCESS, to maintain our youth and improve our exteriors....on our INSIDES...we probably wouldn't all need so much therapy. Time. Money. Time. Money. Time. Money. ACK. How exhausting. How one could possibly have the TIME to understand SELF or eachother amidst such chaos is not such a mystery now is it?
So, I'm not really certain I have a point, other than to say...that as long as we all have our hands in eachothers pockets, and as long as we continue to TOLERATE INTOLERANCE, and as long as we continue to allow RELIGION TO DICTATE SOCIAL POLICY, and as long as we continue to ignore the less fortunate, and as long as we continue to PURCHASE THINGS WE DONT NEED, and throw away things we could have found new uses for, the only destiny we will have to look forward to is a cold cold place. Either that or we'll blow eachother up before the cold day ever comes.
And there you have the deepest, longest, most political post you will ever get out of me.
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