Infidelity

Humor me.  And fuel my neurosis while you are at it.  I often wonder how many people out there may never really know if they have been cheated on.  Because they either never suspected it, or had been lied to and chose to trust their partner.  I wonder how many times a man or a woman has justified a brief fling or a drunken night on the basis that intercourse never happened?  And what is the definition of 'cheating'.  Is it different for men than it is women?  I wonder how many couples don't realize they share a difference in opinion over that definition because they've never discussed it before.  Where is the 'line'?  Is it getting a phone number, making a phone call, emailing back and forth?  Is it a kiss, oral sex....intercourse?  Is it not cheating if you didn't have any emotional feelings for the person?  When is cheating a deal breaker?  Do you believe in 'What you don't know can't hurt you?'?

**Sexist disclaimer**.  Men are really good at the truth but not the WHOLE truth thing.  If you ask a man a question...you have to be VERY CLEAR and explicit.  Men don't assume.  A man will not assume what you are REALLY asking in a question...if you don't spell it out for him.  So if you ask a man if he has cheated...and in HIS MIND the kiss with the girl in that bar the other night does not fit into HIS IDEA of cheating...he will proudly and confidently reply 'No.'.  Am I right or am I right?

Anyway.  I'm starting to poll (see at the bottom of the page).  I want to know what's really going on.  I am convinced, that no matter the circumstances...no matter how great a person...or how respected or trusted....people really struggle with infidelity.  And it baffles me.  Granted I don't have 3 kids, or 20 years of marriage under my belt...granted my husband doesn't beat me and the pool guy is hot and winks at me all the time, granted I have never found myself in any of the thousands of excuses I have heard and read that breed the grounds for infidelity...I just DON'T GET IT.

Some (wink wink nudge nudge) call me naive.  Maybe I'm a dreamer. 

And yes.  I have 'issues' with this issue. (Along with all the others which tend to revolve around abandonment and trust).  They have to do with an alcoholic father and divorced parents and the Sex Addict college boyfriend.  Thank god for Therapy!  And the most wonderful man who loves me unconditionally....and equally amazing friends and family.  I am trying to beat the fear.